The longest minute in the world

For the past two weeks, I’ve been trying to meditate in the morning. One minute. That’s all I expect of myself, yet it remains so difficult! Up until a few days ago, I was just sitting for what I thought was a minute. I didn’t have a watch or a timer. This wasn’t working out so well, because I spent the whole time asking myself “Has it been one minute yet?”

So I borrowed a timer from work and set it for one minute. It makes a little beeping sound when the minute is up. I set it, sat down on my pillow, closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing.

Inhale. Exhale. Don’t let your mind wander. It must be close to a minute now. Ok, now. Something must be wrong with the timer. It’s fine, it was working before. This can’t be one minute. I’m going crazy.

This was very much like the inner dialogue I had on the first day. And every day after that. After what felt like 5 minutes, I opened my eyes. Turns out, the “beeping” part was not turned on. So it might actually have been 5 minutes!

I don’t understand why it’s so difficult for me to just sit without waiting for it to be over.  (Except for the 5-minute morning. I get why that one didn’t work.) I told myself I would do this for 40 days, so I will. Ichih, my yoga teacher, said to ask myself why I was doing this. For example: I eat because I am hungry. I meditate because… Humm. I’m not sure. Maybe that’s why it’s not working.

See how peaceful I look? Yeah, looks can be deceiving. I really don’t feel peaceful at all!

Does anyone have any tips? I’ve tried counting as I breathe in and out. I’ve tried breathing in from one nostril at a time. I’ve tried different positions. I’ve tried stretching first. Maybe music? Is that distracting? Maybe I just need to chill out, that might help!