I cried during yoga teacher training yesterday.
Before I started, every single yoga teacher I talked to told me it would happen at some point. I didn’t think they were lying, but I wasn’t really sure it would happen to me. I’m not a crier.
The thing is, it’s making me uncomfortable to write about it. This blog has always been my happy place. I have no problems writing about my emotions when they involve positive feelings or memories. Smiles, laughter, joy, love. I can write about those things easily. Writing about me crying and figuring out why I was crying? Something I usually avoid. I had no problem telling my mom and a friend about this, but that’s not the same as putting it out there for the whole world to see (well, the part of the world that reads my blog).
We were learning how to write out instructions to different poses, and I got overwhelmed. I felt like I was asking question after question, not getting the answer I needed. I realize that I got caught up in the moment and panicked a little, thinking I had to get it all right away. In that moment, it was too much for me and the tears just appeared.
Why am I writing about this if it causes me discomfort? We’ve all heard the saying “The magic happens when you step out of your comfort zone.” Mark, my teacher, challenged us to do something that makes us uncomfortable every day for a week. I feel resistant to this because I avoid things that make me uncomfortable. I don’t like them, so I stay away. I realize this must be true for most people, but I can only feel what emotions come up for me, and I’m not looking forward to it.
Am I hoping that something great happens in my life and the way I perceive people and situations after this? Yes, absolutely. Does a part of me think that all it’s going to do is make me uncomfortable for a week, then things will go back to the way they were? Yes, definitely.
All I can do is trust myself and believe that this will bring positive change. If I focus on the negatives, nothing good will come of it. So I’m going to try. I’m going to make myself uncomfortable and see where that leads me.
What makes you uncomfortable?